Today I feel my mind so empty. I don’t know what I want to do, I don’t know whom I want to talk to, I don’t know what should eat and where should I go and I don’t even know what I should write. Just some random thoughts from this empty heart.
I really don’t want anything. But I’m so afraid to get lost in this emptiness. I’m not alone but I’m lonely. I can get if I wish many things but I don’t wish to. I lost interest in almost all the things. I’m turning into a zombie. I know people who love me won’t love reading this but it’s a truth…a harsh truth. No one can change it or rather I don’t want to change it.
I haven’t lost sense yet. I know what I’m doing or writing. It’s just that I like the darkness than the sunshine. Now I can survive without food and the water. It’s just a state of mind or a phase I’m going thru. I have no clue how long it will last or I’ll be lost in it. But I don’t wanna make any efforts to change it. I have no energy to fight with the circumstances, I’m too tired. I don’t wanna pray to God to save me; I’m too tired for that as well.
People say the real happiness lies within you, then how can I be happy if my heart is full of sadness and pain? So I don’t wanna try hard to be happy. I wanna cry but don’t wanna show my tears. I wanna shout but don’t want anyone to hear me. I wanna live my pain alone and don’t wanna share it. I need no sympathy. I can deal with it. I may win or lose it but it’ll be my choice and I’ll be the one to blame. With no expectations and no regrets.