Suddenly I realized I have been living very restricted life. I had my rules and I had been following them, may be just to protect myself from the bad world out there or may be just to keep my image clean. But what’s the use? Right now I’m all alone and I’m certainly not happy about it.
It’s different world here in US than in India. People are open-minded (it can be little debatable), they are more casual about few things and basically they don’t care what you are doing. This is the perfect place for me to live my life the way I want. Hell with the society, hell with the rules and now I’ll not stop myself from loving someone…. someone else.
When you are staying away from your family, in altogether different country, the people around you are the only family. I left my family behind, I left the person I loved so much…sorry I love so much. I have all the reasons to be upset, sit and cry but who’ll listen to my cry, who’ll spend his/her precious time in consoling me or entertain me? No one actually. So I have decided not to do any of this. I sure wanna make friends but don’t wanna open all the chapters of my life in front of any body and get emotionally attached and get hurt. I’ll be the one taking care of myself, so there’s no scope for any sorrow or regret. I’m going to live my life happily, may be at times it’ll need me do stupid things but I’m gonna do all it takes to keep myself happy. No one likes to see frown face, even I won’t like to see that in mirror. So yes, I’m going to be happy.
It’s been more than 4 months I haven’t seen him..I haven’t even talked to him, not even had a chat. But there hasn’t been a single day that I didn’t miss him. Everyday, every moment, every single second his on my mind. I only know how I’m controlling myself. It’s hard not to message him when I see him online or not call him when I have his number stored in my mobile. But even he didn’t tried to contact me. I guess he doesn’t want to make it happen. He is deliberately avoiding me. But he can at least talk to me as a friend.
I think now even I should move on. Is it possible for me? No doubt it’s the most difficult thing for me right now but he left me with no option. The more I try to catch the more it seems to go away. I’ll leave it to destiny now. I’m too tired to fight with my fate.
Note: I had been writing this series of fictional story. For some reason I had discontinued it. Thanks to Diana, who writes the other side of the story, for getting me back with it.
I was never so close to his heart but now destiny is taking us apart, thousand miles apart. I ‘m flying to US tonight. This was dream come true, I’m supposed to be very happy. Not everyone get this chance so early in their career. I was quite lucky. Even though I wasn’t happy. The only idea of leaving him was pinching me hard. And it was time for me to actually leave everything behind, everything close to my heart. It was very important for me to go to US at the same time else would have refused to go. I was feeling so helpless. I was suffocating.
Everyone in my family was happy for me but little sad as I was going for a year. Mom was little more confused with her emotions, looked tensed and irritated at same time. I convinced her that I can good care of myself. Dad was looking cool but I knew he was worried too. Spending time with my parents was equally important for me.
It was early morning flight. Sine morning I was busy in packing my stuffs but somewhere occupied in his thoughts. I didn’t even get enough time to spend with him or even talk to him. But I had requested him to drop me at Airport. At least I could see him before going.
He booked cool cab. He reached my place in a cab with one more common friend. He helped me to dump my luggage in dickey. My heart felt heavier than my luggage. I touched feet of my parents to take blessings, hugged them but didn’t cry. Didn’t want to make them feel bad. I sat in cab beside him but couldn’t say anything. Sometimes you want to say so much that you don’t know how, can’t collect words. I was in similar condition.
There was less traffic on roads at it was late at night and cab was moving faster. We reached airport little early. I seriously didn’t want to step out of cab. I wish I could stay back some more time. He kept my luggage on trolley. The cab left. There was still some time so we waited outside and started discussing over some topic. I wanted to tell him for the last time how much I love him, how much I care. How helpless feeling right now.
It was time for me to leave now. I took charge of the trolley and bid adieu to both of them. Standing in a queue I was constantly looking behind. He was still there. It was so difficult for me to take even one step ahead. Don’t know what happened to me I suddenly turned around, ran towards him and hugged him. I burst into tears. It was so sudden and unexpected for him that he couldn’t react. Even my other friend stood stunned. But I didn’t care. I whispered in his ears “I know you don’t have same feelings for me but I my feelings are pure and even if I stay far they won’t change. I don’t want to lose you, I don’t want to go.” He consoled me, he held my hand and made me stand in queue again. I was so disappointed. But even with tears in eyes I noticed sadness on face. His eyes were trying to say something but did I read them right?
Note: Some stories are to be left incomplete. This is my last thread of this story.
My mom had already asked me about him though indirectly. The other day she met his mom in vegetable market. When kids grow older these moms have only one topic to discuss “Marriage“. Naturally these two moms also ended up discussing over the same.
On dining table his mom started opening the conversation with him.
“Hey, I met her mom today.”
He: “Good. So?”
She: “Nothing, just telling you. She looked little worried.”
She: “About her marriage of course. It’s a right age to get married and I heard she’s going to SA for a year?”
He: “Ya, that’s good”
She: “That’s why her mom was worried. She doesn’t want to lose on good proposals”
He: “There’s nothing to worry. She’ll get a good guy.”
She: “Ya, but a mom would worry. A year is a big deal. So I suggested her something”.
She : “I said even you are not in hurry to get married in a year to come. So may be…”
He got furious “What are you talking about? Me and her? How can you even think of it?”
She: “What’s the problem? You are friends for almost 6-7 years now. Both earning well. Well settled. We know about her family. And now you only said she’s a nice girl would get a good guy. Then what’s the problem.”
He: “Mom, problem is she’s my friend. I don’t see her that way. How can I get married to her. And besides that being a friend is different and getting into a relationship is different. We both are aggressive. Do you think we can get along?”
She: ” why not and in that case we can match Kundali”
He”No, noways I’m gonna do it. She”But what’s the matter in trying once. I have given words to her mom”
He: “Then you should have asked me first before doing it.” And he got up without having food.
4 missed calls? I checked my mobile. It was him trying to reach me. I cursed myself for being so ignorant. How can I miss his calls. I immediately called him. As soon as he picked up the call he almost shouted at me. “Now you involved our parents into this? I told you right I don’t want to be in it. Why don’t you get it?” He misunderstood me. But he was too angry to even listen to me and hanged up. I tried to call him again but didn’t pick my call. I messaged him. Even I wasn’t aware of what all happened. I explained him my side but one thing I got clear, he was so against this relationship. Then was I keeping false hope?
Oh! All this while I forgot to mention about him. He’s my college friend. We stay in same locality and our families too know each other well. When our college was over I started feeling a void. A void created with his absence. I was so used to of him that the very idea of not able to meet him everyday was killing me.
It’s been 3 years now. We both are working, busy in our own lives, he’s a little busier. Earning well and now according to our parents we are eligible to get married. My parents already started asking me all those weird questions. One fine evening the discussion went for longer and I was surprised when my mom indirectly inquired about him. I didn’t know how to hide that big smile on face but at the same time I didn’t have any answer to give. I didn’t know if I should be happy or sad. Happy knowing that my parents don’t have problem if I marry him even though we belong to different cast or should be sad knowing that even if our parents agree he won’t accept me.
Why??? Why can’t you be with me. All that you fear is to lose a great friend? But what if we make good pair? And even if we have to break it in future we can do that on good terms and still can be friends. Oh! How should I convince him. He’s too stubborn to listen to me. Let the time decide.
Song by Daphnée: